This morning I was expecting the worst for my current working situation. But is it really the worst? After a lot of thought and drawing last night, I realized no. What I am expecting is actually the best. What I realized, is the unhappier I get at my current job, the happier I actually am feeling that I’m nearing my dream of a more creative career. If I get pushed out of my current job, then there’s absolutely nothing stopping me from that dream.
I’ve become observant of my own actions and reactions, and today particularly, I watched something click. I received feedback from my leadership that I take feedback exceptionally well, but that they haven’t seen me take any action from that feedback. This is partially true- I’ve realized that this was correct about my work at my job. I do take in the feedback I am given well and I take it to heart. However, the action I have recently observed is actually always there, it just comes through in my art and my crafting. I take the feedback and I put it into my passion – I create a new pair of stretchy baby pants, or a set of headbands, or I draw a mandala or a dreamcatcher and put extra attention into the smallest details. When I need to focus on the bigger picture, I think of new ideas and improvements to make my pieces better. This is because this is where my mind finds feedback to be applicable, in the “work” I create that I feel is important and purposeful, not the work that I do to earn a paycheck.
This is an important realization. It means that this is where my mind sees potential, this is what my dream is. I’ve already accepted that I’m not fit for a corporate life. It becomes too central in life for what I enjoy. Again, this is definitely not true of everyone. It just unsettles me that the schedule of my work is the only part of my life that is absolutely mandatory. Everything else needs to be scheduled around it. I’m very strongly family orientated- this is only growing stronger the closer I get to having my daughter. Every move she makes reminds me how I don’t want to miss a single important moment with her, and I want to teach her the values of life and beauty as I see them. I don’t doubt that when I begin my journey of living a life of happiness through creativity I will put a lot more effort and work into my art and crafting than I put into my current job, because that’s what I’m passionate about.
What I’m saying is, I know my dream. I know what’s in the way of my dream. So I’m at the point of planning achievement of it and helping it fall into place. This is entirely dependent on me and the energy and effort that I’m willing to put into it. After today, I’m ready. I’m graduating in less than two months with a degree in Business Administration. I know how to strategically come up with a business plan. I know the basics of each aspect of a good business. I’m creative, and I’m passionate about what would be my “business”, although I’d much rather refer to it as my lifestyle. My daughter will come into the world in just over two months. I want to teach her not to do what she feels she “has” to because that’s what society pushes us to do, I want to teach her to find her own passions and realize that she can be successful pursuing them- in turn leading her to live much happier through simplicity because she’s living a life that makes her happy.
Life to me isn’t all material. Life to me is happiness, and finding a balance that allows you to put your values first. For the first time, I’m ready to start living my life as the free-spirit that I am and follow my dreams.
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you’ll be criticized anyway.” – Eleanor Roosevelt